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DEAR YBBA  
by Larry Tritten
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Dear Ybba:

  Why is it, do you think, that moons are more universally 
regarded as romantic than suns? Moons are cold and pale, but suns 
burn hot like passion. If moonlight is thought to provide a proper 
milieu for hunka hunka rather than sunlight, can the love be deep 
or lasting? Sunlight makes me want to get hot, too, but moonlight 
makes me glum. What is this with moons?

Signed:  SUNNY
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Dear Sunny:

  All things are relative, not just your uncles and aunts. So it
is with terminology. When songwriters on ancient Earth wrote love
songs the sexual revolution hadn't occured yet and I suppose they
chose imagery consonant with subdued passion. In any case, the role
of the moon in love songs didn't hurt Cole Porter's bank account.
Be glad we can it the solar system and make hunka hunka while the
sun shines.


Dear Ybba:

  I'm a field researcher for the Rhine Institute on Earth and have
been studying telepathic beings for years. Telepaths range in type
from those on Alpha Mundane whose abilities are so crude that they
move their lips while reading minds to those on Phosphor VI who can
read the minds of women at a discount sale. My basic rule as a non-
telepathic student of telepathy has been while walking on the tele
path don't fall into a sar chasm. Recently, though, I've encountered
a race of telepaths on the third moon of Ed's Star whose abilities
are uniquely primitive, i.e., when they project thoughts thought
balloons like in comic strips appear above their heads so that even
non-telepaths like myself can read their minds. In the past few 
weeks I've discovered so much unflattering (but unvoiced) thought
about myself that I'm ready to seek another vocation. It just may 
be that if God had wanted us to read minds he'd have given us
psychic access library cards. What do you think?

Signed:  PUZZLED
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Dear Puzzled:

  I've only dabbled in telepathy, but it has been my experience
that most minds only deserve skimming, interesting marginalia 
notwithstanding. I do think that a mind is a terrible thing to 
waste, especially the libido, and if it's a good read I'm all for 
it, especially if there's nothing good on the tube that night, and 
there seldom is.

                             {DREAM}

Copyright 1996 Larry Tritten, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
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Veteran freelance writer Larry Tritten has published more than 700
pieces in such publications as THE NEW YORKER, VANITY FAIR, PLAYBOY,
COSMOPOLITAN, SPY, HARPER'S, and THE NATIONAL LAMPOON.
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