
















 Microsoft Corp. Announces Latest Acquisition:
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 PROJECT OLYMPIA
   by Rex C. Williams

   OLYMPIA (DF) --  Microsoft Corporation purchased the State
 of Washington for a reported $256 Billion.  Code named "Olympia,"
 this seems to be Bill Gates' latest step on his way toward "Total
 Integration". Microsoft plans to turn the northwestern State into a
 "Virtual State" where all public services and utilities will be
 integrated into the Windows operating systems. For example, in order
 to call a police officer for help, rather than having to go through
 an archaic 911 telephone system, you simply drag the Police icon from
 the Emergency Services folder and drag it over to the icon of your
 home.

   Microsoft promises that ISDN lines will be available throughout the
 "Virtual State" to allow for better services via modem. By using a
 combination of Microsoft technologies including OLE, MAPI, and TAPI,
 a citizen will be able to call for an ambulance (by the same method
 as shown above), edit an Excel spreadsheet within a Word document,
 download his E-mail, and print a large document all at the same time.

   An IBM spokesman was quoted as saying "He [Gates] will never
 succeed. We tried to do the same thing with South Florida a few years
 ago and it was a terrible disaster."  Historically speaking, this
 bodes well for Microsoft. IBM and Apple are expected to file a joint
 suit against Microsoft.

   The State of Oregon was also acquired for beta testing which
 is expected to begin the second quarter of next year. Microsoft
 promises that the necessary software will be able to run on existing
 hardware, but early reports show that one will need a multi-processor
 P6 or RISC based machine with 128MB of RAM and at least 3.6GB of free
 disk space. When questioned about this an anonymous source from the
 company said that even if they aren't able to knock down the system
 requirements, "It still shouldn't be a problem as this configuration
 will be considered an entry-level machine, if not completely outdated
 altogether."

   Bill Gates held a separate press conference for the concerned
 citizens of the newly acquired state. He declared that the people
 had nothing to fear. Registered citizens would be permitted to
 re-enter the State for a nominal upgrade fee. Oregon and California
 citizens will be offered a slightly higher priced competitive
 upgrade, while all other citizens will have to pay full price. Exact
 pricing has not yet been set. Microsoft plans to have the project
 completed by the first quarter of 1998. But . . . the acquisition
 prompted Congress to take actions as well.

 (See related story, Washington DC Goes To MS-Washington.)


 WASHINGTON DC GOES TO MS-WASHINGTON
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 BEGINNING TO ABEND
   by Rex C. Williams

   WASHINGTON DC (DF) --  With the announcement of Microsoft's
 acquisition of the State of Washington -- vice-president Al Gore
 shifted his national agenda on the Information Superhighway into
 overdrive. Congress announced the formation of the Subcommittee on
 Superhighways And All Things Virtual. The subcommittee was given $512
 Billion to determine how much the government would be obligated to
 spend on the Information Superhighway. Computer industry leaders were
 invited to join in the first closed sessions.

   The first item on the agenda was the "Look and Feel" of the
 road signs. Conservative Republicans proposed that it should stay
 in keeping with the signs found on conventional interstates. This
 immediately brought objections by representatives from both Novell
 and Microsoft. Novell felt that the Blue colorings for the shields
 would inevitably be linked to IBM and would therefor give them an
 unfair advantage.

   Novell suggested red for its easy readability. The matter was
 passed on to the Securities and Exchange Commission for further
 review. Microsoft objected to the even numbered numbering scheme
 from coast-to-coast citing their own regrettable misfortunes with
 even numbers. Neither issue is expected to be resolved before
 Congress convenes for Spring Break.

                                {DREAM}

 Copyright 1995 Rex C. Williams, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
 ---------------------------------------------------------------------
 Rex C. Williams is a Full-time Desktop Publishing Coordinator. He has
 previously worked as a Programmer/Analyst/Database Developer. In his
 spare time he operates the EPiTOME BBS from a secret location in
 Savannah, Georgia. He may be reached by E-Mail at The EPiTOME BBS
 (912) 234-1181, or by Snail Mail, 154-B Buckhalter Road, Savannah, GA
 31405. Home Phone: (912) 236-4105 (rarely home) Work: (912) 927-1181
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