
A FATHER'S LOVE
  by Karen Williams

  
  Shannon watched the boy she was babysitting, as he sat on the 
floor too close to the tv. She wanted to tell him he was too close 
to the tv, but she couldn't find the energy to tell him. He laughed 
at a cartoon he was watching. She wondered how this little boy could 
laugh, knowing in a few hours his father would be home from work. She 
looked at Philip sadly, trying to figure a way to tell him she 
wouldn't be able to babysit him after tonight.
  
  Philip turned to Shannon. She was looking at him, but it seemed
as if she didn't really notice he was sitting there. He sat too 
close to the tv on purpose, because he knew it irritated her. He knew 
she would get him to sit on the couch next to her. He loved the way 
she disciplined him. She never yelled at him, and she never lost her 
patience when she helped him with his homework. He looked at her 
sadly, wondering why she hadn't gotten on him about sitting too 
close to the tv.
  
  "Philip," Shannon said.
  
  A big grin came over his face, he knew now she would make him sit 
next to her. 
  
  "Come here, I want to talk to you."    
  
  The grin left the boys face. Normally by now she would have 
tickled him until he could barely breathe. They both would be 
laughing so hard. Then she would pick him up and swing him around a 
few times and plop him on to the sofa. After that, she would tell 
him he was sitting too close to the tv. This was different, she 
never asked him to come over there. It was always a game, and today, 
it didn't seem much like a game at all.
  
  He got up slowly, and sat on the couch next to her. She looked sad.
  
  "What's the matter." he asked her.
  
  "Well, I wanted to tell you something very important. You know how
every day I pick you up after school?"       
  
  "Yeah, you always pick me up in your parents station wagon, and then
you come home with me and take care of me until he comes home."  
  
  Shannon knew Philip meant his father when he said "he". Philip 
hadn't called his father "dad" since the day his mother died, three 
years ago.
  
  "Well," she put her hand on his shoulder, "I won't be able to watch
you anymore."       
  
  Philip's eyes started to water, and his face turned down. He didn't
say anything for a few minutes.
  
  "Philip, it's not you. I just can't do it anymore."
  
  He looked up at her, "It's because of him, isn't it."
  
  Shannon nodded slowly. She felt so sorry for this little boy, and
if she had been old enough, she would take him and run away so he 
could be taken care of. When she left tonight, she planned to go home 
and call Social Services; she couldn't stand the way Philip's dad 
treated him, and knew it was time for him to be reported.
  
  Philip screamed. "I hate him. I hate him," then he started crying
hysterically.
  
  Shannon pulled the boy close to her and rocked him until his crying
subsided. She wished there was more she could do for him, but this 
was the only thing she could think of. 
  
  Every night, when Philip's dad came home, he would find some 
sort of fault with his son. If Philip had a test and only missed one, 
his father would yell at him for missing one. If Philip had gotten 
everything correct on the test, his father would yell at him for 
writing sloppy. Whatever Philip did, it was never good enough for 
his dad. Day after day, Shannon would see Philip go deeper and deeper 
into his own world. 

  Shannon picked him up after school, and each day it would take 
longer for him to open up to her. At first, she thought she could 
help him, but she realized it was only an idle thought. What would 
a 16 year-old high school student be able to do about an 8 year-old 
boy and his father? She asked herself that everyday, until she 
finally decided the emotional abuse his father put him through was 
too much for him to handle. 
  
  When Shannon put Philip to bed at night, she normally didn't 
have any problems getting him to sleep. A few hours later, she 
would have to go into his room and calm him down after a nightmare. 
He would wake up screaming sometimes, and she would end up crying 
with him, as he told her about his father. Every night, after 
Shannon left, his father would wake him up -- and just nag him -- 
put him down about anything. 

  If his bedroom was messy, Philip would have to wake up at one or 
two in the morning and clean it until his father was satisfied. If 
Philip left a spot of toothpaste in the sink, he would have to wake 
up and clean the whole bathroom no matter what time it was. Shannon 
made sure everything was perfect before his father would get home, 
but still, Philip would have to wake up to either talk to his dad 
about school, or some other reason. Philip now took an hour nap after 
school to catch up on sleep, and at 7:00, Shannon put him to bed, 
just so he would have enough energy to do as his father asked at 2:00 
or 3:00 in the morning.
  
  Tonight would be different. When Shannon got home, she would call
Social Services. Tonight, Philip would get a full night's rest.
  
  Philip looked up at Shannon, "Will I ever see you again?"
  
  "Yes, I promise, I'll see you again. And I want you to write to 
me. I'll give you my address, and I want you to write to me every 
time you need someone to talk to."
  
  "Who'll be watching me now?"
  
  "I don't know, I'll have to tell your dad tonight that I can't do 
it anymore, and he'll have to find someone else."
  
  "I sure wish you didn't have to go." he said sadly.
  
  "Me too. But I do think you need to get in bed. It's after 7:00,
and we want to make sure you're rested up for school tomorrow."
  
  Shannon went down the hall into Philip's room. She sat on the 
bed as Philip went into the bathroom to brush his teeth and get his 
pajamas on. Philip's room had everything a boy could want. She 
wondered if his dad thought this would make up for the love he didn't 
give his son.
  
  Shannon could hear the water running and the sounds of Philip 
brushing his teeth. She thought back to the first time she watched 
Philip. When he first told her of how his father treated him, she 
didn't believe it. His dad had always been nice to her, and to his 
son whenever she was around. But then she noticed, Philip was sleepy 
all the time, had no energy, and he hardly ever smiled. Something 
changed in her when she noticed this. She normally just watched TV 
and let the kids eat junk food whenever she babysat. With Philip, 
she would make a well balanced meal for his dinner, make him take 
vitamins, let him watch only thirty minutes of TV, and the rest of 
the time they spent reading, playing games or just talking. 
  
  Philip came into the bedroom and Shannon tucked him into bed. She 
continued reading the story she had started the night before and 
didn't stop until she finished the story. She bent down to kiss him 
on the top of his head, and found tears forming in her eyes. She knew 
she would miss Philip, but she didn't realize it would be this much. 
He was like a brother to her, someone she was supposed to protect and 
care for. She missed him already.
  
  She whispered, "Sleep tight," into his ear. 
  
  He reached up and hugged her and said sleepily, "I love you."
  
  Shannon sat on the edge of his bed, tears rolling down her
cheeks, until he fell asleep. After she was sure he was sleeping 
soundly, she went into the kitchen and cleaned up the dinner dishes. 
Then she went through the house making sure everything was in perfect 
shape. She checked the bathroom for toothpaste, and picked a few toys 
up off of his floor. She smiled to herself and said aloud, "There you 
go jerk, find something wrong with this house tonight." 
  
  She sat on the sofa and flipped the remote control until she 
came across a movie she wanted to watch. She watched it, but when 
the movie was over, she found she couldn't remember a thing about 
what she had just watched. She heard a key turn in the door, 
and her heart started beating. It beat so loudly she was afraid 
Philip's dad would hear it, and sense her fear of him.
  
  Mr. Japhy walked in into the tv room, put his briefcase down on 
the coffee table and loosened his tie.
  
  "Shannon, how was Philip today?" 
  
  "Oh, he was great Mr. Japhy," she said, her heart beating even 
louder. She knew she would have to tell him soon, and then leave as 
quickly as she could.
  
  "That's good," he said absent-mindedly, sitting down and shuffling 
through papers in his briefcase.
  
  Shannon stood up, "Well, I have to go now. Um, Mr. Japhy . . . ."
  
  He looked up at her, "Yes?"
  
  "I, um . . .  I can't watch Philip anymore," she stammered, trying
to get it out before she could change her mind.
  
  "That's a shame, he really seems to like you watching him. Is it
more money? I can pay you more. You take very good care of him."
  
  Shannon looked down, "No, I just can't."
  
  Mr. Japhy was stubborn, "There must be a reason, just tell me. I'm
sure we can come up with a new price."
  
  Shannon started getting hot with anger. He thought he could buy 
anything. 
  
  "No, I can't watch Philip anymore because of you, I can't bear the
way you treat your son. You're killing him. You're making him older 
than he is. You're making him unhappy, and unable to be with other
people. You're ruining his life. I can't stand it, and I can't watch 
you do it any more." She blurted out before she could stop herself.
  
  Mr. Japhy sat with his mouth open, unable to speak for a few 
seconds. Then his face turned red, and his eyes hard. He stood up 
and yelled, "How dare you come into my house and tell me I'm raising 
my son wrong. I don't need to take this from a stupid little girl."
  
  Shannon grabbed her school books and ran out the front door, not
even collecting her last pay from watching Philip. She ran to her 
car slammed the door and drove home feeling more anger than she 
had ever felt in her entire life.
  
  The next few days Shannon went to school, but couldn't think of 
anything but Philip and his dad. She wondered how Philip was doing, 
and wanted to see him after school to make sure he was okay. She felt 
as if she had lost part of her own family. She hadn't heard anything 
from Social Services, and wondered if they had done anything at all 
about Mr. Japhy.
  
  Finally, Shannon decided she would meet Philip after school 
before his new sitter came to pick him up. She just had to see how he 
was doing. She drove to his school, and waited outside the door he 
usually walked out of. She was anxious to hear how the last few days 
had been. She heard a bell ring, and soon saw hundreds of kids burst 
out the doors, running and laughing towards the buses. She looked 
frantically for Philip, and his usual unhappy face. But couldn't find
him anywhere.
  
  When the school had cleared out, she drove home, wondering if she 
had done the right thing by reporting Mr. Japhy to Social Services. 
When she pulled into her driveway, she saw Mr. Japhy's car parked 
outside her house. She started getting worried, she hadn't told her 
parents about reporting Mr.Japhy to Social Services, and wondered 
why he was here. She hesitated.
  
  When she got in the house she saw her mom and Mr. Japhy sitting 
at the kitchen table. When her mom saw her, she stood up and walked 
towards her.
  
  "Shannon, Mr. Japhy is here, and he wants to talk to you about 
Philip."
  
  Shannon nodded, and her mother walked up the stairs leaving 
them alone to talk. She stared at the floor waiting for Mr. Japhy to 
explode. 
  
  "Do you know where Philip is?" he asked her. There was a strain
in his voice that didn't match his normal calm and in-control tone 
of voice.
  
  "No, what happened?" she asked worriedly, almost forgetting what a
monster he could be.
  
  "He's missing. He wasn't at school today, and the new sitter 
couldn't find him after school. Some toys are missing from his room, 
a few clothes, and his toothbrush. I thought he might come here."
  
  "I haven't seen him, why would you think he'd come here."
  
  "We fought when you left. He told me he hated me, and said he 
wanted to live with you. If you know where he is, please tell me. 
I promise I won't take it out on you. I just want my boy back."
  
  Shannon got angry, "You want your boy back? What about the way 
Philip feels, you've destroyed him. I don't blame him for running."
  
  "I just want him back!"
  
  "You don't deserve him. He's much to good for you."
  
  "Give me my son back," he said weakly.
  
  "I don't have him, and if I did, I wouldn't tell *you* where 
he was!"
   
   Mr. Japhy stood up, "You don't understand what it's like to 
raise a boy by yourself. I don't want him to depend on anyone. I 
don't want him to put his life in anyone's hands. He's got to be 
able to not feel the pain of a broken heart."
  
  "What're you talking about. He's an 8 year-old boy. Why would you
want him to *not* know what love is."
  
  "Look, since my wife died . . ." he started sobbing, "please help 
me find my son."
  
  "You don't understand, he won't be found unless he wants to be 
found."
  
  "I love my son, I need him."
  
  "Have you ever told him you loved him? Have you ever told him 
you were proud of him? Have you ever told him you needed him? Did 
you know that your son doesn't have any friends. He doesn't know how 
to talk to other kids."
  
  Mr. Japhy looked at her. His eyes were tired and sad. He shook
his head.
  
  "You need to tell him you love him. You need to show him you love
him."
  
  "How?"
  
  "By letting him be an 8 year-old kid." she said.
  
  "Please, show me how, please help me get my son back," he begged.
  
  Shannon looked at Mr. Japhy, not believing the conversation they 
were having. She felt as if she were the parent, and he were the 
child. She couldn't imagine a father having this much love for a son
and at the same time -- not knowing *how* to love his son.
  
  "Go home, I'll be there in a little bit," she said, and then
walked out of the house.
  
  She drove around, looking for a sign, knowing Philip would be 
somewhere that she knew. She knew Philip wanted her to find him. 
As she drove, it came to her. She knew where Philip was.
  
  She remembered Philip telling her how he wanted to live in the 
woods. He wanted to be a boy scout to learn to eat and live off 
the land. He wanted to build a log cabin. They talked and joked 
about it the whole day. She remembered how his eyes shined when he 
talked about it. It was something he really wanted.
  
  Shannon pulled up to the entrance of the State Park. It was 
wooded and beautiful. She drove along the path, and parked by the 
edge of the lake. She walked the paths in the woods for an hour, and 
came across a small clearing. In the middle was a tent -- sort of --
made from twigs and fallen branches. It looked shabby, and Shannon 
knew, this was the log cabin Philip tried to build. She sat down on a 
rock and waited. A few minutes later -- she heard leaves rustling and
an occasional twig snapping -- Philip walked into the clearing. When 
he saw her, a smile broke on his sullen face. He ran towards her and 
hugged her.
  
  "You came. YOU CAME!" he shouted.      
  
  Shannon smiled, "Yes, but now I need to talk to you."
  
  "What's the matter?"   
  
  "I talked to your dad, and he is really worried about you."
  
  A frown clouded the smile that was on his face. "I don't care,
he doesn't love me."
  
  "He said he's going to change, and be nicer. He's going to love
you the way you need to be loved."
  
  His face softened. "Do you believe him?"
  
  Shannon nodded, "Yes I do, and I am going to help."
  
  Philip gathered his things. He took Shannon's hand, and they walked
to her car.
  
  When they got to Philip's house, Philip followed slowly behind 
her, afraid to get near his father. Mr. Japhy sat on the sofa, and 
stood up when he saw them. He then kneeled on the floor holding his 
arms out waiting for his son to come to him. Shannon nudged Philip 
in his direction, and soon, Philip was running towards his father. 
They embraced. Mr. Japhy cried to his son how much he loved him, and 
told him how sorry he was. Shannon's eyes filled with tears because 
she had never seen Mr. Japhy hug his son.
  
  For the next few weeks, Shannon went to Philip's every day after 
school, and spent time with Mr. Japhy and Philip. She didn't 
interfere, but gave Mr. Japhy knowing looks when he started becoming 
impatient with his son. She hoped he would change for the better, and 
never treat his son the way he had in the past.

                               *  *  *
  
  After not seeing Philip for over a month, Shannon called Mr. Japhy
asking if she could take his son out for ice cream after school. Mr. 
Japhy agreed. He told her he had changed his work hours so he could 
pick up his son after school and spend time with him. Shannon hoped 
Philip was as happy as Mr. Japhy bragged. 
  
  Shannon stood near the door of the school, waiting for Philip. A 
few minutes later, she saw him. The main reason she didn't recognize 
him immediately, was because he was dressed the same as the kids who
surrounded him, and his face was filled with a smile. He was proudly
wearing a Cub Scout uniform, and smiling like she had never seen.
 
                               {DREAM}
                               
Copyright 1994 Karen Williams, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
She was born in Anchorage, Alaska but spent most of her youth in 
Europe; graduating from Brussels American High School in 1987. Then 
joined the Air Force, meeting her husband in Minot, North Dakota, 
where they married. Now living in Rio Rancho, New Mexico with her 
husband and two beautiful children. Karen can be reached at The
PRECINCT BBS, Fido: 1:301/12, 505-892-2422.
===================================================================== 
                                                    
