Ŀ
          
            ROTFL Digest!   Volume 1, Issue 9       July, 1994          
                                                                        
                                                                        
         Published by Access Media Systems                              
         Voice/Fax: (905)847-7362                                       
                                                                        
       Editor/Official Dishwasher/Elvis Impersonator: Sandy Illes       
                                                                        
          
       Contents:                                                        
                                                                        
       Editorial                                                        
       True Silly Stories From Around The World                         
       The Psychic Network On Cable                                     
       1995 Car Models Advertised According To                          
            Truth-In-Advertising Laws                                   
       Life, The Universe, And Leftover Stuff                           
       Advertisement For The Alfred E. Neuman                           
            School Of Advanced Dorkistry                                
       Old McDonald Had A Farm (90's Version)                           
       Jokes! Jokes! Jokes!                                             
                                                                        
          
                                                                          
    Editorial                                                             
    ---------                                                             
                                                                          
    Welcome to the 9th issue of ROTFL Digest! Due to circumstances        
    beyond my control (mainly, aliens kidnapped me and tried to           
    force me to confess that I know the whereabouts of Elvis - I          
    told them to get a shovel and start digging, then let me know         
    what comes up) ROTFL Digest has been delayed for a few months.        
                                                                          
    All submissions are welcomed! Please note that only original          
    material will be considered for publication. Plagiarists will         
    be impersonated, and I think you all know how painful that can be.    
                                                                          

                                                                          
     Ŀ    
      ROTFL Digest may be freely reposted on any BBS as long as it      
      remains unaltered in any way. Submissions to ROTFL Digest may     
      be uploaded to CAP/Canada BBS at (416)287-0935 as a ZIP file      
      or emailed to louis.illes@canrem.com.                             
                                                                        
      ROTFL Digest may not be reproduced for commercial purposes        
      without the express written consent of the publishers.            
                                                                        
      Material reposted from ROTFL Digest must be credited.             
                                                                        
      Violators will have a medium rare steak with a side dish          
      of carrots and broccoli driven through their hearts in a          
      1965 Chevy.                                                       
         
Ĵ
       True Silly Stories From Around The World:                          
Ĵ
                                                                          
       THIS THIEF REALLY SUCKS                                            
                                                                          
       Indianapolis, Ind. - A bandit broke into at least five homes       
       and stole pacifier, rattles, teething rings, and diapers. It       
       can only be assumed that the babies had no candy to take.          
                                                                          
       NO REST FOR THE WEARY                                              
                                                                          
       Jacksonville, Fla. - A young welder was arrested after every       
       tenant on the floor of his apartment building signed a complaint   
       saying that his snoring was disturbing the peace.                  
                                                                          
       OF "CORES" IT'S TRUE, OFFICER                                      
                                                                          
       Ulm, Germany - 16-year old Lina Scheyder got a chunk of apple      
       stuck in her windpipe while she and her boyfriend were at a        
       scenic area. He slapped her on the back, knocking her to her       
       death in a ravine 2,000 feet below.                                
                                                                          
       LET IT ALL HANG OUT...                                             
                                                                          
       Tokyo, Japan - Michiko Hagiwara won $2,990. in damages because     
       the three dresses she bought from a boutique fit too snugly.       
       Mrs. Hagiwara testified that the manager promised the dresses      
       would be let out and ready for her to wear on an upcoming trip     
       to Austria but the work was not done when she picked them up.      
       Mrs. Hagiwara wore the dresses anyway, then filed suit upon her    
       return to Japan. Apparently, the thought of liposuction didn't     
       occur to her...                                                    
                                                                          
       WHAT A WAY TO GO                                                   
                                                                          
       Munich, Germany - Peter Golz got drunk on his 30th birthday        
       and dived naked into an 8,000 gallon vat of beer. Mr. Golz was     
       so drunk that he forgot that he couldn't swim, and drowned in      
       the beer. This reminds ROTFL Digest of that joke: "I'm sorry to    
       tell you that your husband drowned in a vat of beer." "I suppose   
       his death was quick and painless?" "I don't know about that - he   
       got out 3 times to go to the bathroom!"                            
                                                                          
       HEY, MOSES! WANT A LIFT?                                           
                                                                          
       Aurora, Ind. - When Aurora Schuck died of cancer in 1989, her      
       husband Ray had her buried in her '76 red Cadillac El Dorado.      
       Said Mr. Schuck, "I had the oil changed and filled the gas tank    
       because I didn't want Aurora to have any trouble getting to where  
       she was going." Mr. Schuck continued, "Some people might think     
       I'm crazy." (All in favor, say aye! ROTFL Digest heard that you    
       can get great mileage in the hereafter...)                         
                                                                          
       QUICK AND EASY NO-COST SURGERY                                     
                                                                          
       Mexico City, Mexico - 34-year old Jose Mazcinco took a chain saw   
       and cut off his arm in the middle of a downtown market - to get    
       rid of a tattoo. Mazcinco told police the name of his former       
       girlfriend, Maria, was tattooed on his forearm and, when she broke 
       up with him, he couldn't stand seeing the name anymore and wanted  
       to get rid of it as quickly as possible. Just a thought: Couldn't  
       he find another girl in Mexico named Maria???                      
                                                                          
       THIS IS WHY THE CHURCH NEEDS MONEY                                 
                                                                          
       Six out of ten American churchgoers have admitted taking money     
       from the collection plate at least once since 1980. Three out of   
       ten later gave the cash back, with interest. It can only be        
       presumed that the rest are going to Hell.                          
                                                                          
       THIS IS NOT THE BEST WAY TO GET ATTENTION                          
                                                                          
       Madrid, Spain - 58-year old Ernesto Chavis cut off his legs with   
       a chain saw - because he wanted attention. Chavis said, "Maybe     
       now people will know who I am." ROTFL Digest believes that when    
       someone asks about Ernesto, people will say, "You mean Ol'         
       Pegleg?" so it's likely that he'll be remembered, but not the      
       way he would like...                                               
                                                                          
Ĵ
       THE PSYCHIC NETWORK ON CABLE:                                      
       =============================                                      
                                                                          
       Why call a psychic... let them call you Dept.                      
                                                                          
       SPECIALTY TV SHOWS THAT NO ONE DARED WATCH:                        
                                                                          
       The Favorite TV Shows Of British Psychics:                         
       What the channels across the Channel are                           
       channelling.                                                       
       Hosted by: Someone you've never heard of.                          
                                                                          
       Short Escaped Convict Psychics And What They Eat:                  
       Small mediums at large with extra cheese                           
       and mushrooms.                                                     
       Hosted by: A telepathic Domino's delivery boy.                     
                                                                          
       Vegetarianism As A Lifestyle: Lettuce live!                        
       Hosted by: The cows.                                               
                                                                          
       A Penny For Your Thoughts: But I can't make change.                
       Hosted by: A cynical psychic.                                      
                                                                          
       I Am Not A Crook: Jeanne Dixon channels Richard                    
       Nixon.                                                             
       Hosted by: Jeanne "I am not a psychic" Dixon                       
                                                                          
       Let Me Guess: An international television game show                
       in which psychics try to guess the color of the                    
       audience's underwear.                                              
       Hosted by: Ramtha (c) J.Z. Knight                                  
                                                                          
       You Have Lived Before And Will Live Again!:                        
       Reincarnation is discussed as reality.                             
       Hosted by: Napoleon Bonaparte.                                     
                                                                          
       Psychic News: Television news in which our panel of                
       psychics predict what will be on the CBS Evening                   
       News.                                                              
       Hosted by: Shirley "Don't touch that channel, I'm                  
       channelling!" MacLaine.                                            
                                                                          
Ĵ
                                                                          
       1995 CAR MODELS ADVERTISED ACCORDING TO                            
       TRUTH-IN-ADVERTISING LAWS:                                         
                                                                          
       Honda Delude: It looks like a car, it costs the same               
       as a car, but if you think it's actually a car, you're             
       deluding yourself.                                                 
                                                                          
       Honda Civil: It's a polite car. After the horn                     
       farts, it always excuses itself.                                   
                                                                          
       Ford Taurus: Taurus is the bull, and that's what                   
       we've been using to confuse consumers - lots of                    
       bull! - since this car was first introduced.                       
                                                                          
       Ford Resort: We'll resort to anything to convince                  
       you - the gullible consumer with minimal cash flow -               
       to buy this heap of nuts and bolts.                                
                                                                          
       Ford Bronco: It's a 4x4 throwback to the dinosaur                  
       days when you get behind the wheel of this baby.                   
                                                                          
       Fort Escort: A babe in a bikini straddling this heap               
       is the only thing that can convince you to buy it.                 
                                                                          
       Cadillac Seville: None of our technicians knew how                 
       to spell Civil. Plus the darned Japanese already                   
       stole the name (or was that a Civic?).                             
                                                                          
       Mazda Miaplasm: It's a combination of myopia and                   
       sciatica when you sit uncomfortably behind the wheel               
       of this convertible. We dare you to believe it's a                 
       luxury car once you find out the only air bag is                   
       behind the wheel!                                                  
Ĵ
                                                                          
                                                                          
       LIFE, THE UNIVERSE, AND LEFTOVER STUFF                             
                                                                          
       By Sandy Illes                                                     
                                                                          
                                                                          
       I applied for a job today. I want to be the person who             
       coughs in the cinema.                                              
                                                                          
       Have you ever noticed how many dirty words you can                 
       spell with Alpha-Bits? My nephew spelled out the                   
       words "f*ck off," then ate the evidence before his                 
       mother could see it. I got even by holding his head                
       in the cereal bowl and saying, "No, no, no! That's                 
       not how Jacques Cousteau breathes underwater!"                     
                                                                          
       My sister offered me a cup of tea. I told her no                   
       thanks, I had all the t's I wanted in the bowl of                  
       Alpha-Bits.                                                        
                                                                          
       I've decided to stop drinking caffeine. Now I'm                    
       going to have it pumped into my veins intravenously.               
                                                                          
       I always root for the guy who's losing. Every week I               
       hope Wile E. Coyote will catch the Road Runner. Ever               
       wonder what Wile E. would do if he actually caught                 
       the Road Runner? I think he'd drop an anvil on his                 
       own head just because of Skinner's research.                       
                                                                          
       Star Trek is pretty cool. I can't help wondering,                  
       though, how come no one ever sets his phaser on fricassee?         
                                                                          
       I like to watch baseball but I can't help wondering                
       when I see the stats. Like, some guy is batting .300               
       and the crowd is cheering wildly. If I only did my                 
       job well 1 time out of 3, I think I'd be fired. And                
       what about those guys who grab their crotch? Why do                
       they do that? Do they have to take crotch-grabbing                 
       lessons from Michael Jackson or what? Or maybe it's                
       the laundry the team uses: The Fleabag Coin-Op                     
       Laundromat - We'll Give You Something To Scratch                   
       About."                                                            
                                                                          
       I also like to watch hockey. It's fun to guess how                 
       many of the teeth they flash while talking to the                  
       sports interviewer are actually their own.                         
                                                                          
       I always wanted to do something different so I'm                   
       practicing to be dyslexic.                                         
                                                                          
       It's good that Chretien finally became prime                       
       minister of Canada. He's a politician who only talks               
       out of one side of his mouth at a time.                            
                                                                          
       I can't help but like Bill Clinton. I bet he could                 
       spell potato. Well, okay, but I bet he could eat                   
       one.                                                               
                                                                          
       I'm taking coughing lessons. I practice at home in                 
       my spare time by inhaling secondhand smoke.                        
                                                                          
       It's not whether you win or lose - it's if anyone                  
       else notices if you win or lose.                                   
                                                                          
       Have you ever seen a really fat lady walking down                  
       the street eating an ice cream cone and thought,                   
       "You don't need that!" I thought so. No wonder                     
       people are starving in Africa - the ice cream melts                
       before it gets there.                                              
                                                                          
       When I was a kid I told my friend, "Your baby sister               
       looks like a monkey." She said, "No, she looks like                
       a chimpanzee."                                                     
                                                                          
       Is anything sacred anymore? Not if I can help it!                  
Ĵ
                                                                          
       Advertisement                                                      
       -------------                                                      
                                                                          
       I graduated from the Alfred E. Neuman School Of                    
       Advanced Dorkistry and you can too, if you sign up                 
       today!                                                             
                                                                          
       What is Dorkistry? It's the ability to change your                 
       mind when your feet stink, even though you should                  
       have changed your socks.                                           
                                                                          
       It's the ability to say, "What, me worry?" when your               
       mind is incapable of holding onto a thought.                       
                                                                          
       It's the ability to watch zits erupting on your face               
       in gym class and remember that you wanted to pick up               
       a Big Mac with extra special sauce on the way home                 
       from school.                                                       
                                                                          
       Yes, Dorkistry is not for everyone! It's a special                 
       skill reserved only for those people with enough                   
       money to pay for the course!                                       
                                                                          
       How much will this course cost me, you ask. How much               
       money do you have, we answer!                                      
                                                                          
       Call 1-800-IMA-DORK today and ask for our free                     
       pamphlet, which is the only thing you'll ever                      
       receive from us for free! That's 1-800-IMA-DORK!                   
       Yes, 1-800-IMA-DORK!                                               
Ĵ
                                                                          
       OLD MCDONALD HAD A FARM (90'S VERSION)                             
                                                                          
       Old McDonald had a farm                                            
       E I E I O                                                          
       And on that farm he had some cows                                  
       E I E I O                                                          
       With a Quarter Pounder here                                        
       And a Big Mac there                                                
       Here a burger                                                      
       There a burger                                                     
       Everywhere he had a burger                                         
       Old McDonald had a farm                                            
       E I E I O                                                          
                                                                          
       Old McDonald killed a cow                                          
       E I E I O                                                          
       He cut its throat just like a sow                                  
       E I E I O                                                          
       Glue factory gets the feet                                         
       Butcher gets the seat                                              
       (for a rump steak)                                                 
       Entrails aren't very neat                                          
       They're dogfood (with real cow meat!)                              
       E I E I O                                                          
                                                                          
       Old McDonald sold the parts                                        
       E I E I O                                                          
       But he couldn't sell the hearts                                    
       E I E I O                                                          
       He called the hearts "McValentine"                                 
       People bought them and said, "Please be mine"                      
       Children begged for more dead cow                                  
       Wrapped in buns and ready now                                      
       E I E I O                                                          
                                                                          
       Some poor cow had to die for this                                  
       E I E I O                                                          
       A lunch that I'd be glad to miss                                   
       E I E I O                                                          
                                                                          
Ĵ
  Ŀ   
   JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES    
     
                                                                          
       Bestsellers:                                                       
                                                                          
       BAND PLAYING by Clara Nett                                         
                                                                          
       JAZZ MUSIC by Tenna Saxe                                           
                                                                          
       CUDDLY TOYS by Ted E. Behr                                         
                                                                          
       THE STARS TELL IT ALL by Horace Cope                               
Ĵ
                                                                          
  What's red and white and has more brains than Kurt Cobain?              
  His wall.                                                               
Ĵ
                                                                          
 A man was selling his dog and his neighbour came over to make an offer.  
                                                                          
 "I was a stand-in for Lassie for many years in the movies," said the     
 dog.                                                                     
                                                                          
 "Wow!" said the neighbour.                                               
                                                                          
 "And I was once the most famous dog in vaudeville," said the dog.        
                                                                          
 "Amazing!" said the neighbour.                                           
                                                                          
 "And I flew an air force bomber in WWII," said the dog.                  
                                                                          
 "I can't believe it!" said the neighbour. Then he turned to the owner    
 and said, "Why are you getting rid of a talking dog?"                    
                                                                          
 "Well," replied the owner, "I'm tired of his lies."                      
Ĵ
                                                                          
 In a busy airport a rich man goes up to a man carrying two heavy         
 suitcases and asks what time it is.                                      
                                                                          
 "What time is it where?" asks the man.                                   
                                                                          
 "What do you mean?" asks the rich man.                                   
                                                                          
 "Well, I built this watch all by myself and it tells the exact time for  
 1,000 cities around the world," replies the man.                         
                                                                          
"Really!" says the rich man. "My son would love something like that! How  
 much would you sell it to me for?"                                       
                                                                          
 "Oh, it's not for sale."                                                 
                                                                          
 "I'll give you $10,000 for it!"                                          
                                                                          
 "Sorry, it's really not for sale."                                       
                                                                          
 "I'll give you $50,000 for it! I must have that watch!"                  
                                                                          
 The man thinks for a bit and decides he could really use $50,000.        
 "Okay," he replies, "the watch is yours."                                
                                                                          
 The rich man takes the watch and as he starts to leave the man holds out 
 the two heavy suitcases and says, "Excuse me, don't you want the         
 batteries?"                                                              
Ĵ
                                                                          
 A man walked into a bar and after a few drinks, noticed a machine        
 sitting in a far corner of the bar.  He wandered up, and read the        
 sign on the machine.  It said: Fortunes told with urine samples.         
 He figured what's he got to lose.  He pisses in the cup and drops in     
 25 cents.  The machine hums and whistles a little and spits out a        
 piece of paper which reads: You will go blind! The man starts            
 ranting and raving, this machine is a joke, and I'll prove it. He        
 goes home and collects urine samples from his wife, daughter,and dog     
 and a little motor oil from his car, and just for fun decides to         
 masturbate in the mixture.  The next day he returns to the machine,      
 drops the concoction into it, and deposits another quarter.  The         
 machine hums and whistles some more and spits out this piece of          
 paper:  Your wife is screwing the milkman, your daughter is              
 pregnant, your dog has fleas, your car needs a tuneup, and if you        
 don't stop jerking off, you're gonna go blind!                           
Ĵ
                                                                          
  Yo momma is so fat she runs on diesel.                                  
                                                                          
  Yo momma is so fat she bleeds gravy.                                    
                                                                          
  Yo momma is so dumb she thought softball was a venereal disease.        
                                                                          
  Yo momma is so fat, her school picture was an aerial picture.           
                                                                          
  Yo momma is so dumb, she sits on the TV and watches the sofa.           
                                                                          
  Yo momma is so dumb, she had to stop breast-feeding because             
  it hurt to boil the nipples.                                            
Ĵ
                                                                          
 More Bestsellers:                                                        
                                                                          
 The Yellow River by I.P. Freely                                          
 Under the Bleachers by Seymour Butts                                     
 Defeat of a Lion Tamer by Claude Bottom                                  
 The Tigers Revenge by Claude Balls                                       
 50 Yards to the Outhouse by Willie Makeit and Betty Dont                 
 The Ruptured Chinaman by Wun Hung Lo                                     
Ĵ
                                                                          
 Q. Did You Hear About The Polish Carpool?                                
 A. They All Meet At Work.                                                
                                                                          
 Q. Did You Hear About The Pole Prisoner Who Was Found Dead With Two      
    Dozen Bumps On His Head?                                              
 A. He Tried To Hang Himself With A Rubber Band.                          
                                                                          
 Q. Did You Hear About The Pole Terrorist Sent To Blow Up A Car?          
 A. He Burned His Mouth On The Tailpipe.                                  
                                                                          
 Q. Did You Hear About The Pole Who Won A Gold Metal In The Olympics?     
 A. He Took It Home And Got In Bronzed.                                   
                                                                          
 Q. Did You Hear How The Polish Hockey Team Drowned?                      
 A. Spring Training!                                                      
                                                                          
 Q. Have You Heard About The Polish 500 Car Race?                         
 A. The First Car To Start Wins.                                          
                                                                          
Ĵ
                                                                          
 Three old-timers were relating their most exciting experiences. The      
 first, a retired sheriff, described the terrifying excitement of a       
 shoot-out with the Dalton gang. The others agreed it sounded pretty      
 exciting.                                                                
                                                                          
 The second gentleman was a retired fireman. He told about a huge fire    
 at the university, where young coeds jumped naked from their dorm        
 windows into his arms. The other gentlemen all agreed that sounded       
 pretty exciting.                                                         
                                                                          
 The third retiree began his story, "I was an undertaker. One night I     
 got a call to pick up a body that was under a sheet in a hotel room.     
 When I got there, the guy had a huge erection sticking straight up. I    
 knew I couldn't take him through the lobby that way, so I found an old   
 broom handle and hit that erection just as hard as I could." The old man 
 paused. "You talk about excitement," he continued, "I was in the wrong   
 damn room!"                                                              
Ĵ
                                                                          
 The man had just laid the living room carpet and was reaching into his   
 shirt pocket for a pack of cigarettes.  But they weren't there.          
 Looking at the newly installed carpet, he noticed a three-inch lump in   
 the middle of the floor.  Obviously, the pack had fallen out of his      
 pocket.  He had no desire to pull up the carpet to retrieve it, so he    
 took his little hammer and went "tap-tap-tap-tap" until the floor was    
 perfectly flat.                                                          
                                                                          
 Realizing that this was not really a professional way to do things, he   
 decided to bluff his way through when his wife came home.  "I wonder     
 where my cigarettes went?" he muttered innocently.                       
                                                                          
 "They're right there on the kitchen cabinet," she answered.  "What       
 puzzles me is, what happened to the parakeet?"                           
Ĵ
                                                                          
 A man went to the hospital to have an examination done. When he came back
 for the results, the doctor told him, "I have some good news and some bad
 news."                                                                   
 "Well, give me the good news first," the man says.                       
 "The good news is that your penis has grown two inches."                 
 "That's great! What's the bad news?"                                     
 "It's malignant."                                                        
Ĵ
                                                                          
 OJ Simpson Jokes:                                                        
                                                                          
 What does BILLS stand for?                                               
 Boy                                                                      
 I                                                                        
 Love                                                                     
 Life                                                                     
 Sentences                                                                
                                                                          
 What does OJ stand for?                                                  
 Overtly                                                                  
 Jealous                                                                  
                                                                          
 When people saw OJ running through the airport, they thought he was      
 just making another Hertz commercial.                                    
                                                                          
 What were Mrs. Simpson's last words?                                     
 "OJ! It Hertz!"                                                          
                                                                          
 What will Mike Tyson have for breakfast tomorrow in prison?              
 A little bit of OJ.                                                      
                                                                          
 Hertz said today that they completely support O.J. To show their         
 support they are slashing rental car prices to the bone.                 
                                                                          
 What is the difference between O.J. and Tang?                            
 Tang won't kill you.                                                     
                                                                          
 Why did O.J. quit playing Professional Football?   He wanted to take     
 a stab at something else.                                                
Ĵ
                                                                          
 Q. Why Can't Gypsies Have Children?                                      
 A. Because All The Men Have Crystal Balls.                               
                                                                          
 Q. Why Are Delorean Autos Being Banned In The United States?             
 A. They Keep Trying To Suck The White Line Up Off The Roads!             
                                                                          
 Q. Whats A Cannibal's Favorite Game??                                    
 A. Swallow The Leader.                                                   
                                                                          
 Q. What's The Difference Between A Vacuum Cleaner And A Harley Davidson  
    Motorcycle?                                                           
 A. With The Vacuum Cleaner The Dirtbag Is On The Inside.                 
                                                                          
 Q. What Should You Do If An Epileptic Has A Seizure In Your Bathtub?     
 A. Throw In Your Laundry.                                                
                                                                          
 Q. What Kind Of Tires Does A Delorean Have?                              
 A. Snow Tires.                                                           
                                                                          
 Q. What Is The Difference Between An Oral And A Rectal Thermometer?      
 A. The Taste.                                                            
Ĵ
                                                                          
 More On OJ Simpson:                                                      
                                                                          
 What do the LAPD and Tropicana have in common?                           
   They both have O.J. in a can.                                          
                                                                          
 Actually I heard that Hertz just renewed O.J.'s contract.                
   Only now he's making license plates for them.                          
Ĵ
                                                                          
  A bunch of monks made a living by selling flowers to the villagers.     
  Unfortunately, the villagers didn't like this because the monks sold    
  the flowers at gunpoint. One day, one of the villagers decided to call  
  upon his big city cousin named Hugh - who was a lawyer - to help them.  
                                                                          
  Hugh fought the case in court and won.                                  
                                                                          
  The moral of the story is:                                              
  Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.                        
Ĵ
 And Yet More On OJ Simpson:                                              
                                                                          
 What does OJ stand for?  ........................ Orange Jumpsuit        
                                                                          
 Why did the Simpsons get divorced? .......  because OJ's a backstabber   
                                                                          
 What do the People of the State of California and Mexican                
 food have in common?                                                     
 Both may give O.J. gas!                                                  
                                                                          
 Why did O.J. deserve his nickname in college?                            
 He used to beat his girlfriends to a pulp.                               
                                                                          
 How did the LAPD get a confession from OJ?                               
 They squeezed it out of him.                                             
                                                                          
 What did Michael Jackson say to OJ Simpson?                              
 Don't worry, I'll take care of the kids.                                 
                                                                          
 Early in O.J.'s career he was a tight end.                               
 After he gets out of jail, he'll be a wide receiver.                     
                                                                          
 What does O.J. stand for?                                                
 Open Jugular                                                             
                                                                          
 Who holds the NFL record for the most number of murders in a single      
 season?                                                                  
Ĵ
                                                                          
  Jeffery Dahmer's mother comes over to his house for dinner and          
  remarks that she really doesn't like his neighbors.                     
      "Try the salad then," he replies.                                   

