SO, YOU WANT TO BE A SYSOP...
Revenge of the Sysops, Part V
By Leonard Richardson
This Month: Getting Help

SHAMELESS PLUG:
Call Da Warren BBS (805) 854-2478
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE PROBLEM  
  So you're a new sysop, and you need help.  You're faced with that
age-old Catch-22; you can't get into the Sysop's Guild unless you're an
accomplished sysop, and you can't be an accomplished sysop unless you're
in the Sysop's Guild.  But wait!  You can!  There are many, many
non-union sysops! (Such as myself, for example.)  You know, the ones
who run their boards despite the ongoing sysops' strike.  You can learn 
from these so-called "scab" sysops.  In fact, you can even learn from 
union sysops!  Most sysops are sympathetic to the needs of other sysops, 
even sysops that they don't even know.  That's what makes sysoping such 
a friendly occupation (although that's not what the User's Union claims).
  
GETTING HELP - SYSOP EDITION  
  How do you get help from a sysop?  You don't.  You get help from a
goose.  Oh wait, wrong stupid joke.  The best way to get help from a
sysop is to ask for it.  Most sysops aren't mind-readers (The Amazing
Rondini of Ron's Nook is a noteable exception), so they won't be able to
help you unless they know you need help.  Simple enough, no?  How to
approach them?  Try paging them, unless it's three in the morning, in
which case you should leave a message.  If you meet another sysop on the
street, you can ask them in person.  Don't forget the secret Sysop's
Handshake.
  Sysops can help you on a lot of things, but their information on what
users want is likely to be secondhand.  Why?  Because it's been a while
since they were users themselves.  They've been on the higher plane too
long.  They can help some, and hopefully when you started your board you
made the goal of making it everything you wanted in a board (now don't
you wish you'd done what I'd told you?), but sooner or later you're going
to have to ask the repository of all user-related knowledge; the users
themselves.

"BUT WAIT!" YOU SAY
  "But wait!" you say.  "Didn't you say a few months back to boot every
new user into chat and ask them how they liked the board?  Doesn't that
qualify?"  Well, I probably said that but I'm too lazy to go back to past
columns and look.  And it's important to talk with new users, but that's
mainly to make them feel welcome, though their suggestions can be helpful.
To get the tips you want and the quick pain relief you need, it's Veteran
Users.

"BUT WAIT!" YOU SAY AGAIN
  "But wait!" you say again.  "What the heck is a Veteran User?"  Hold
your horses.

VETERAN USERS
  The veteran user has been BBSing for a long time.  They've seen quite
a few boards come and go, and they know not only what they want but also
what makes a board great.  They may have even had their own board up at
some time, these are called "Former Sysops."  Actually they're not.  But
who cares?
  You can spot a veteran user, first of all, by their familiarity with
new user questionnaires.  They may use macros.  If you make it clear that
you have an allfiles list, they will probably download it.  They will look
at your doors menu and your list of message conferences.  In other words,
the veteran user checks out the wares on their first call.  If you're one
of those people who limits new users to leaving a comment or logging off,
then it's a bit more difficult to spot a veteran user.

GETTING HELP - USER EDITION
  It's fine to break into chat with veteran users.  You're the sysop, after
all.  Just don't cancel their download to do it or start chatting while
they're in the middle of a heated game of Tradewars 1976.  You shouldn't
do this anyway.  If you feel uncomfortable breaking into chat, good luck
with them problem users.  Try leaving the veteran a message containing the
gist of the next paragraph.
  When you chat with the veteran user, ask them what they like about the
board.  This isn't really important but it warms them up.  Then try bigger
questions, like "What would you like to see more of?" and "How could I make
this more like Da Warren?"  Then follow up on their responses, like ELIZA.
"What do you mean by that?"  "How would you do that?"  "What the heck is a
Boogie Beat Bongo Bar?"  It's kind of like being a tabloid reporter.  Not
that I'd know or anything.

IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?  
  This guy is performing an on-the-air operation as I sit here typing this
article.  Well, you take what you can get with public radio.  It's probably 
much the same thing with veteran users, but I don't feel like drawing an 
analogy here.

WHAT DO I DO WITH VETERAN USERS?
  Nothing.  You just follow up on their suggestions.  If they reccomend a
door, it'd be a good idea to set it up.  A side note here about doors: think
twice before putting up 4200 of them.  You'll have a wider selection but
people tend to just play the doors that every board on earth has.  To attract
door players, you should have the following doors online: Tradewars, The Pit,
Legend of the Red Dragon, and Usurper.  No matter how many doors you have,
these will make up most of your useage.  People, as any film producer knows, 
aren't very willing to try new things.

THIS ISN'T A VERY LONG COLUMN
  But I'm not sorry.  There's really not a lot to say about veteran users so
it was kinda dumb to say I was gonna do a whole column about them.  Which is
why I'm going to say:

NEXT MONTH:
  Whatever I think up.  Setting up doors, getting users to participate, you
take potluck.  For that matter, so do I.  See you then!

THIS MONTH'S USELESS FACT:
  Did you know that the film industry is incredibly prejudiced against the
sysop minority?  Movies have been around for nearly a century, television
for about half that, and during all that time not one major character has 
played or been played by a sysop.  Well, maybe one.  But just look at these
stats for 1993 alone:

                 Polititians: 6,598
                 Sickeningly Cute Kids: 719,512
                 Artists: 1,184
                 Extraterrestrials: 410
                 People Made Up by Tom Clancy: 85,182
                 Construction Workers: 915
                 Elvis: 5,011
                 Morons: 6,519,347
                 Women Who Don't Like Wearing Clothes: 52,661,958
                 Sysops: 0

  Obviously, action needs to be taken.  Write your congressman today!
