Software Update: Bugs                 (c) 1994)   by  Peter Neuendorffer



I got a large packet in the mail yesterday from Alice, the noted foreign
correspondent, and my friend.  It was waiting for me in my off-line mail
reader ---more or less intact --but the lines were shortened.   I pieced
it together, and imbedded some multimedia sound effects like  "Oh, baby"
and "Now I am going to sleep" and video clips that were lying around  --
scenes from Lawrence of Arabia, and the 1964 World's fair hit "To Be
Alive". These were shown on three screens in American parking lots and had
three projectors.

"Dear Petsie [clip of sunset],

I am working on a public service software program for the Feds. It is called
 - "Oh, baby!  'This is your computer on Bugs.'  It demonstrates what your
 computer does on Bugs. We hope to introduce it as a transient TSR in
 selected cities.

Here are some of the 'funny' things it will do to a computer on Bugs:

	1. Says it has three megs of free disk space when it really only
	   has 200k.

 	2. Hogs OS memory after you run a program.

 	3. Creates "lost 45's" when the disk is full.

 	4.  Leaves hidden files that you don't know about and are big.
 	     [ A clip of Lawrence of Arabia edited backwards]

	5. You cannot install certain programs.

  	6. If you try Ctrl-Break, it will sometimes lock the system.

	7. If you try Ctrl-C it will sometimes lock the system.

	8. When the buffers get full, if you press a key, the computer goes
	   nuts ["Now I'm going to sleep"] or  locks. This happen after you
	   have written fifty pages and have not saved them.

   	9. You lose the cursor.

       10. Informs you that a format is incorrect after formatting for
           fifteen minutes.

Since all these things seldom happen on a normal computer, and never under
Windows, 'Your Computer on Bugs' should be really fun. Thank God computers
are reliable and easy to use. I keep an old 1994 Pentium around to test my
work, because, if it works on an ancient clunker like that, it will run on
anything.

As always,
Alice."


