A:
   Well Costello
I'm going to New York with you. The Yankee's manager
gave me a job as coach for as long as you're on the team.
C:
 Look Abbott
if you're the coach
you must know all the players.
A:
   I certainly do.
C:
 Well you know I've never met the guys, so you'll have to tell me
their names,
and then I'll know who's playing on the team.
A:
   Oh
I'll tell you their names.
But you know it seems to me they give
these ball players now-a-days very peculiar names.
C:
 You mean funny names?
A:
   Strange names
Pet names...like Dizzy Dean...
C:
 His brother Daffy
A:
   Daffy Dean...
C:
 And their French cousin.
A:
   French?
C:
 Goofe'
A:
   Goofe' Dean. Well
Let's see
We have on the bags
Who's on first
*Who
What's on second
*What
I Don't Know is on third...
*I Don't Know
C:
 That's what I want to find out.
A:
I say Who's on first
*Who
What's on second
*What
I Don't Know's on third.
*I Don't Know
C:
 Are you the manager?
A:
   Yes.
C:
 You gonna be the coach too?
A:
   Yes.
C:
 And you don't know the fellows' names.
A:
   Well I should.
C:
 Well then who's on first?
*Who
A:
   Yes.
C:
 I mean the fellow's name.
A:
   Who.
C:
 The guy on first.
A:
   Who.
*Who
C:
 The first baseman.
A:
   Who.
*Who
C:
 The guy playing...
A:
   Who is on first!
*Who
C:
 I'm asking you who's on first.
*Who
A:
   That's the man's name.
C:
 That's who's name?
*Who
A:
   Yes.
C:
 Well go ahead and tell me.
A:
   That's it.
C:
 That's who?
*Who
A:
   Yes.
C:
 Look
You gotta first baseman?
A:
   Certainly.
C:
 Who's playing first?
*Who
A:
   That's right.
C:
 When you pay off the first baseman every month
who gets the money?
A:
   Every dollar of it.
C:
 All I'm trying to find out is the fellow's name on first base.
A:
   Who.
*Who
C:
 The guy that gets...
A:
   That's it.
C:
 Who gets the money...
*Who
A:
   He does.
Every dollar of it. Sometimes his wife comes down and coll-
ects it.
C:
 Who's wife?
*Who
A:
   Yes.
What's wrong with that?
C:
 Look
All I wanna know is when you sign up the first baseman
how
does he sign his name?
A:
   Who.
*Who
C:
 The guy.
A:
   Who.
*Who
C:
 How does he sign...
A:
   That's how he signs it.
C:
 Who?
*Who
A:
   Yes.
C:
 All I'm trying to find out is what's the guys name on first base.
*What
A:
   No. What is on second base.
*What
C:
 I'm not asking you who's on second.
*Who
A:
   Who's on first.
*Who
C:
 One base at a time!
A:
Well don't change the players around.
C:
 I'm not changing nobody!
A:
Take it easy buddy!
C:
 I'm only asking you who's on the guy on first base?
*Who
A:
   That's right.
C:
 Ok.
A:
   Alright.
C:
 What's the guy's name on first base?
*What
A:
   No. What is on second.
*What
C:
 I'm not asking you who's on second.
*Who
A:
   Who's on first.
*Who
C:
 I don't know.
*I Don't Know
A:
He's on third.  We're not talking about him.
C:
 Now how did I get on third base?
A:
   Why you mentioned his name.
C:
 If I mentioned the third baseman's name who did I say
 is playing third?
*Who
A:
   No. Who's playing first.
*Who
C:
 What's on base?
*What
A:
   What's on second.
*What
C:
 I don't know.
*I don't Know
A:
   He's on third.
C:
 There I go back on third again!
Would you just stay on third base and don't go off it.
A:
   Alright, what do you want to know?
C:
 Now who's playing third base?
*Who
A:
   Why do you insist on putting Who on third base?
*Who
C:
 What am I putting on third.
*What
A:
   No. What is on second.
*What
C:
 You don't want who on second?
*Who
A:
   Who is on first.
*Who
C:
 I don't know.
*I don't Know
T:
 Third base!
C:
 Look
you gotta outfield?
A:
   Sure.
C:
 The left fielder's name?
A:
   Why.
*Why
C:
 I just thought I'd ask you.
A:
   Well
I just thought I'd tell ya.
C:
 Then tell me who's playing left field.
*Who
A:
   Who's playing first.
*Who
C:
 I'm not...stay out of the infield!!! I want to know what's the
guy's name in left field?
*What
A:
   No
What is on second.
*What
C:
 I'm not asking you who's on second.
*Who
A:
   Who's on first!
*Who
C:
 I don't know.
*I Don't Know
T:
 Third base!
C:
 The left fielder's name?
A:
   Why.
*Why
C:
 Because!
*Because
A:
   Oh
He's center field.
C:
 Look
You gotta pitcher on this team?
A:
   Sure.
C:
 The pitcher's name?
A:
   Tomorrow.
*Tomorrow
C:
 You don't want to tell me today?
A:
   I'm telling you now.
C:
 Then go ahead.
A:
   Tomorrow!
*Tomorrow
C:
 What time?
A:
   What time what?
C:
 What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's pitching?
*Who
A:
   Now listen. Who is not pitching.
*Who
C:
 I'll break your arm if you say who's on first!!! I want to know
what's the pitcher's name?
*Who
*What
A:
   What's on second.
*What
C:
 I don't know.
*I Don't Know
T:
 Third base!
C:
 Gotta a catcher?
A:
   Certainly.
C:
 The catcher's name?
A:
   Today.
*Today
C:
 Today and tomorrow's pitching.
*Today
*Tomorrow
A:
   Now you've got it.
C:
 All we got is a couple of days on the team.
You know I'm a catcher too.
A:
   So they tell me.
C:
 I get behind the plate to do some fancy catching
Tomorrow's pitching on my team and a heavy hitter gets up
*Tomorrow
Now the heavy hitter bunts the ball. When he bunts the ball
to me, being a good catcher,
I'm gonna throw the guy out at first. So I pick up the ball and
throw it to who?
*Who
A:
   Now that's the first thing you've said right.
C:
 I don't even know what I'm talking about!
A:
   That's all you have to do.
C:
 Is to throw the ball to first base.
A:
   Yes!
C:
 Now who's got it?
*Who
A:
   Naturally.
C:
 Look,
if I throw the ball to first base ...somebody's gotta get it.
Now who has it?
*Who
A:
   Naturally.
C:
 Who?
*Who
A:
   Naturally.
C:
 Naturally?
A:
   Naturally.
C:
 So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.
A:
   No you don't you throw the ball to Who.
*Who
C:
 Naturally.
A:
   That's different.
C:
 That's what I said.
A:
   You're not saying it...
C:
 I throw the ball to Naturally.
A:
   You throw it to Who.
*Who
C:
 Naturally.
A:
   That's it.
C:
 That's what I said!
A:
   You ask me.
C:
 I throw the ball to who?
*Who
A:
   Naturally.
C:
 Now you ask me.
A:
   You throw the ball to Who?
*Who
C:
 Naturally.
A:
   That's it.
C:
 Same as you! Same as YOU!!! I throw the ball to who. Whoever it is
*Who
drops the ball and the guy runs to second. Who picks up the ball
*Who
and throws it to What. What throws it to I Don't Know. I Don't Know
*What
*I Don't Know
throws it back to Tomorrow
*Tomorrow
Triple play. Another guy gets up and
hits a long fly ball to Because. Why? I don't know! He's on third
*Why
*Because
*I Don't Know
and I don't give a darn!
*Darn
A:
   What?
C:
 I said I don't give a darn!
*Darn
A:
   Oh
That's our shortstop.
