THE GHOST SHIT
  The kind where you feel the shit come out, have shit on the toilet paper, 
  but there is no shit in the bowl.

THE CLEAN SHIT
  The kind where you shit it out, see shit in the bowl, but there is no shit 
  on the toilet paper.

THE WET SHIT
  The kind where you wipe your ass 50 times and it still feels unwiped so you 
  have to put toilet paper between your ass and your underwear so you don't 
  ruin them with those dreadful skidmarks.

THE SECOND WAVE SHIT
  The shit usually happens when you are done shitting. You've pulled your 
  pants up to your knees, then you realize that you have to shit some more.

THE BRAIN HEMORRHAGE THROUGH YOUR NOSE SHIT
  The kind where you strain so much to get it out that you practically have a 
  stroke.

THE RICHARD SIMMONS SHIT
  The kind where you shit so much you lose 30 pounds.

THE CORN SHIT
  No explanation necessary.

THE LINCOLN LOG SHIT
  The kind of shit that is so huge that you are afraid to flush the toilet 
  without first breaking the shit up into little pieces with the toilet brush.

THE NOTORIOUS DRINKERS SHIT
  This is the kind you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's 
  most notable trait is the tread marks left on the bottom of the toilet bowl.

THE "GEE I WISH I COULD SHIT" SHIT
  The kind where you want to shit but all you can do is sit on the toilet 
  cramped and farting a few times.

THE MEXICAN FOOD SHIT
  A class of shit that's on it's own.

THE POWER DUMP
  This is the kind that comes out your ass so fast that your ass cheaks get 
  splashed with toilet water.

THE LIQUID PLUMMER SHIT
  The kind of shit that is so big when you flush the toilet it plugs up and 
  you end up with shit all over the floor. (you should have followed the 
  advice from the Lincoln log shit).

THE SPINAL TAP SHIT
  The kind of shit that hurts so much coming out that you swear it must be 
  coming out sideways.

THE "I THINK I'M GIVING BIRTH THROUGH MY ASSHOLE" SHIT
  Similar to the Lincoln log shit and the Spinal tap shit. The shape of the 
  turd seems to resemble a large beer can. Vacuous air space remains in the 
  rectum for quite some time afterwards.

THE SILLY STRING SHIT
  The kind of shit that is really thin, kinda like spaghetti, but keeps 
  coming out. You have two choices with this shit; a> Flush and keep going, 
  or b> Risk it piling up to your butt while you sit there helpless.

THE "I'M GOING TO START CHEWING MY FOOD BETTER" SHIT
  This is when those Doritos you ate before bed last night scrape the inside 
  walls of your butthol until it bleeds.

THE WILLIAM L DEXTER SHIT
  This type of shit is usually observed audibly in the stall next to you. It 
  seems the person's intestines are pressurized to 100p.s.i. When it finally 
  comes out, look out! It's a peculiar mixture of shit, water, and air.

THE "AM I TURNING INTO A RABBIT!?!" SHIT
  The kind when you drop those cute little round ones that look like marbles 
  and make little splashing sounds when they hit the water.

THE DID I EAT BEETS OR HAVE RECTAL CANCER SHIT
  Self explanatory, but if you may be in doubt, I suggest you visit your 
  doctor.

THE "WHAT THE HELL DIED IN THERE" SHIT
  THis is sometimes also referred to as TOXIC DUMP. Of course you don't warn 
  anyone of the obnoxious bathroom odor, instead you stand near the door and 
  watch their faces when they run out gagging and gasping for air.

THE "I JUST KNOW THERE'S A TURD DANGLING THERE" SHIT
  This is when you just sit and wait for the last cling-on to drop off, 
  because if you wipe it now, it's gonna be rather messy.
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